Oh the ifs in life….

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If you could only change the what ifs in life would it really be for the better I don’t know but reading around the internet among others things has me begging the question. The things in the world I would love to change: children always being loved and knowing it, pointless wars ending, debt being erased from the dictionary (let alone my account), people putting things above the human race, and finally the word can’t or any difference of that word being outlawed! There are simple solution to all of these on why i would change them because most have hit so close to home yet no one changes their actions or even says sorry for it so how about this people for one day go about your life tell people in your family I love you, don’t fight with anyone, don’t spend a penny, make sure you put a smile on someone’s face, and instead of saying I can’t say I can. May seem like a pointless thing to try and keep for a day but what I found when I do try and do this is one I am a lot happier two everything doesn’t seem so dam depressing and the state things are in now a days couldn’t we all use a little brighter today?

Anyway quick little up to date on everything drew and I have started back to college together, I lost my job, my children are growing like weeds, we are still waiting on the final papers for emma, and oh yeah drew has been cigarette free for two months and landed himself in the er because of quiting smoking but you know what right now I wouldn’t change a thing. I am really having fun at my new college even though I felt like a failure at my old school because of medical problems leaving me unable to finish there but I love the new start and especially going with drew to school. I Love staying home most days with the kids because I get to watch and help them grow. And anything else right now in life is well take it a moment at a time because what was that saying I hated so much about eight months ago oh yeah hurry up and wait for things to get moving on whatever. Everything takes time so enjoy the little moments because those are the ones you truely remember. One last thing before I end my little life blog…..

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DREW!!! Three years of marriage and I hope there is many more to come even though some days we lose sight of what really matters the only thing that is important is I get to go to bed with you every night and wake up to your face every morning. Love you!

Fort Wayne Children’s Zoo

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All in all we had a great time at the children’s zoo. I found it a bit too crowded and lot of stuff appeared to be missing this year. :( Maybe I went too early.

Chantix!

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It has been two weeks since I started chantix and I have been slowly cutting down on the cigarettes. Today is day 1 of not smoking. I can do this. Its just trying to keep myself away from situations that make me want to smoke. Which is impossible considering that everything makes me want to smoke. Driving, eating, sleeping, work and a few more things. Its worth it.

So far there are two things about chantix that I seem to hate. First the upset stomach for about 15 min after taking the pill. Second the nightmares. Holy Crap. I mean seriously holy crap. I have been playing mass effect 3 courtesy of my friend Austin and all night long I was fighting reapers and rescuing my family. Crazy right? Of course, at some point it gets weirder. Eventually I was able to figure out this was a dream and steer its course in the direction of my choosing. Pretty cool right? Not sure why I figured it out so quickly but it made for a much more pleasant experience.

One of the great things about chantix is that the more you smoke while taking it the better it works. Eventually you just dont want to smoke anymore. It does nothing for me. Chantix has destroyed my dependence to nicotine. At least the physical part. The hard part now is psychological.

Chantix has been getting a bad rep lately due to its link to suicidal thoughts and such. May I remind you that a health person who is not depressed or thinks about that is going to be just fine. My doctor offered to subscribe welbutrin with my chantix but I refused. It would appear that some people use cigarettes to treat stress and depression and without them they go nuts. Who knew? Oh yea its on the damn package. Give pfizer a break here people I know they are crooks but even they cant be perfect. Yes they are crooks at 180 dollars per month for chantix yea they suck. They have the market and they know it.

Fort Wayne Botanical Conservatory

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Upon traveling to the Botanical conservatory I was immediately affronted with the lack of light. I figured well there’s flowers so there must be good lighting. I was wrong. It seems they have done their best but yet not good enough. After an hour or two on Photoshop I was able to make up for the lack of lighting and excess lighting in some areas.

Here are some of the best images that I took!

The Tulips

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Spring is here EARLY! There might be something to that groundhog day thing eh? Either way I have been waiting so that I might try my hand at some flower photos and here it is.

The mirrored look is more than I could ask for. It came out perfect. No matter how uncomfortable it was to shoot.

The shot of the tulips gives it an illusion of a field or at least the best I could come up with. The one tulip that is taller than the rest really makes the photo.

The water drop on the flower was completely accidental. I didn’t even notice it, nor do I know where it came from. Sweet huh?

A Day at The Park

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There are a few things that make this photo. The composition is excellent although the point of interest is still a bit to close to the center. There is not much activity that distracts and the colors seem to blend well.

What floors me most about this photo is the expression. I somehow captured one of my favorite subjects in a moment of pure concentration. Where as most of us adults walk around with a zombied expression here is a pure one. It is an interesting moment to capture for that reason.

When she is happy she is happy. When she is sad she is sad. There is no lies behind the face no cruelty. Just purity. The stark contrast is that you know what some of us are thinking. Constantly having to tiptoe over people’s emotions where as Emma will just tell you. Too bad it wont last forever! :)

The cost of war

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This is the cost of war. Every second adds more to this total. Every minute. Every hour every day. The Iraq war may be over but have we forgotten about Afghanistan? Obama ended one war why not the other?